What you should know about each other BEFORE you say "I DO"
- Topic:
Couples
- Article By:
Sherri
- Photo:
In today's divorce prone society there are a number of us who still believe in Fairy Tales and Happy Endings, but who also have a deep down fear that the dreaded Unhappily Ever After may just happen to them as well. Is there any way to know for sure which outcome will be yours?
While there really isn't any way for us to know the ultimate outcome of any relationship, there are precautionary measures that can be taken to make sure we are headed in the right direction and that we are off to a good start. The first of which is to make sure that we really truly know one another. And then to compare our goals and expectations for the future, and make sure that they are compatible.
How much does that really matter you ask? Well, you'd be surprised at some of the basic lifestyle choices that people make and that they assume their partner is on board with ...until it's too late.
There are a number of things that make up a relationship, all of which are important in their own right. If you want to avoid the dreaded Unhappily Ever After it's important that you are clear about what kind of future you are looking for before you say I Do, and make sure that your significant other is on board with you.
For instance, some of the biggies are...
1. Kids: How many, if any, and when?
Believe it or not there are some people who don't discuss this before they get into a serious relationship with a person, and for some the subject doesn't come up at all until after they are already married. And the sad truth is that many relationships do end because of it.
For a relationship to work and to be successful it's important that you don't try to change the other person, especially after the fact. If having kids is important to you and not to them, then it's important for you to move on and to find someone who does share that desire with you, otherwise you may find yourself resenting them for it later on .
2. Work: Who will work? What kind of work?
Do these things really matter? Yes. Guys do yourselves a favor, if you are not looking for a career woman then please do not date one. And ladies if you want a career, a long, happy, successful career and he doesn't want you to work once you get married, then you have a choice to make (before you get married). But make sure that whatever it is you decide, that it's what you truly want, otherwise again, you may find yourself resenting him for it later on.
Another thing that you should think about is what type of work your significant other does for a living (or plans to do). Does the field itself bother you in any way? Does the job present an element of danger or risk? Does it require them to work long days, nights, or even weekends? Does it require travel – especially where they will be leaving you behind for days, weeks, or even months at a time? How does that make you feel? If there are causes for concern now, then you should discuss them. Think beyond the status and the money ...can you honestly live with these things? And if so, for how long? If not, is he/she willing to consider another career path?
3. Faith: Are you spiritually compatible? What will you teach your children?
Why does this matter? First and foremost your faith more often than not strongly influences who you are as a person, the kind of life you've lived thus far as well as the kind of life you will continue to live, etc. After personally being raised in a spiritually divided household I can honestly say that I would never choose to do it myself. I saw far too much division and isolation between my parents simply due to spiritual incompatibility.
If you decide that having different religious beliefs is okay with the both of you, have you decided what you will do if you decide to have children? What/who's faith will you teach them? Some couples decide like my parents, to let the children be raised with one set of beliefs, but how fair is that to the other parent? And how do you decide which faith is best?
Other couples manage to teach both faiths to their children, but what if they are very contradictory to each other? How will you explain the differences to your children? For instance, what if you believe in God and your mate does not? Or what if you believe in Creation and your mate believes strongly in Evolution?
And the list goes on. What about...
1. Money: What's your view of it? What's theirs? Do you save and they spend, or vise verse?
2. Sex: Even if you choose not to have sex before marriage you should be able to get an idea of how sexually compatible you will be. For example: How compatible are you when it comes to affection? Or public displays of affection? Etc.
3. Weight: ...What? Considering how you feel about your partner's potential future weight gain/weight loss is no more superficial than what you thought about them the first time you laid eyes on them. If weight gain or weight loss is important to you then you need to make sure, in a loving tactful way, that your partner knows how you feel before hand.
You think I'm crazy? Consider this, what if you are a guy who is totally into thick chicks. You meet a girl who is nice and thick, curvy in all the right places only to find out after you are married that she thinks she is a total fatty and plans on losing weight asap!? Or ladies, what if you find a guy that has a divine body, only to find out that once he's married his plan is to become a couch potato?
These things do happen! Make sure you know their attitude about body image and weight ahead of time, don't just assume you already know!
4. The Family/In laws: In laws are almost always a part of the package – only you don't get a say as to which ones will stay and which ones will go! So ask yourself: Do they know their bounds? Will he/she make sure they do? ...What if you don't get along with them? What if he/she doesn't get along with yours? ...How much time do you plan on spending with them? How much time does he/she? ...Can you talk about any tension that may be there with your partner? Does he/she automatically take the families side, or can they objectively see your point of view? Now think about family dinners, babysitting, etc. are these things you can live with?
And the list goes on, but the most important thing is that you consider what's important to you, even if those things may seem like little things to someone else, and then make sure that your potential bride/potential groom is not only on the same page as you, but on the same path as well.
We are all entitled to the future's we want, to a Fairly Tale wedding with a Happy Ending ...the best way to ensure that that's what we get is to start with a happy beginning!
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