No matter what ...just do 'YOU'!
- Topic:
Body Image
- Article By:
Reuben
- Photo:
Bein' that it's October and these are the final few days of breast cancer awareness month, I wanted to do something on a topic that is important to not only myself but especially my wife and several other women in my life. I hope to add to the dialogue goin' on and build some bridges, maybe even heal some wounds...
Fighting for your cause
I've been reading a lot lately on the issues of beauty ideals and body image, and if you know me personally you'd know it's somethin' I'm really passionate about. I hadn't realized how much of a global conversation was going on, and in the midst of all of this conversation I really wanted to add my support for the cause that women are fighting for; changes within the mainstream fashion industries in the areas of beauty standards, diversity and depictions of women's bodies.
I agree that this issue deserves some respectful and meaningful discussion, I think that this is an opportune time to bring our perspective into the larger conversation around woman's body image, beauty ideals, and the men who love them.
As a husband, a lover, and a friend to a beautiful urban woman for more than 13 years I've seen a lot of what my wife has gone through as a result of the mainstream's narrow definition of beauty and the fact that she's real unique & curvy.
Positive Body Image & The Media
The body image experts, and I'm not one of em', say to befriend people that support you no matter what and that contribute to you feeling good about yourself. Whether that person's your significant other, family or friends - find some people that love you for you and truly support you. Find somethin' positive to say about yourself everyday, and it doesn't always have to be appearance related. It can be that you've got a positive energy or cause' your real creative, or your so lovin' and nurturing to those you care about. Start somewhere and eventually it'll become second nature to see yourself for what you really are – beautiful in so many different ways.
We all need to stop judgin' ourselves based entirely on what we see in mainstream media. We were all born unique and have different natural potential and should learn to work with and embrace our diversity especially when it comes to standards and ideals for beauty.
Even though the fashion industries, modeling agencies, etc. try and get women to compare themselves to pre–pubescent/teenage girls as if that is an ideal they should be tryin' to attain, don't play into that. As if bein' a real grown woman is somehow not incredibly beautiful.
You can't compare a grown lady's image to that of a young girl. They are not even comparable. What real man wants to be with a young girl anyway? …A man (myself included) wants to be connected to someone that's a grown woman – mind/attitude, body and soul. And that's for real.
My advice to women is to refuse to support people or businesses that define beauty in such narrow terms. Especially those with unfair/un–natural and unrealistic ideas about what is beautiful, encourage them to see things differently. When you come across media sources that are portraying models that are young teenagers as if they're grown, or designers that claim hot styles can't flatter or accentuate your beautiful curves – don't buy their products.
Money's power and if you don't give em' your money then they will quickly loose their power and influence. Don't give anyone the power over your ability to love yourself or find yourself worthy of feeling beautiful, successful, and powerful.
The mainstream has got some serious issues, but things seem to be lookin' up. There has been a lot of talk the last few weeks about 'the girl on page 194', Glamour magazine, Ellen DeGeneres, The Today Show and more. Influential people are startin' to speak out about the unfair treatment of many models, celebrities, and everyday women when it comes to the pervasive mean spirited treatment in media and narrow limited beauty standards so many women are subjected to.
Companies like Dove definitely deserve credit for everything they've done to try and support all ladies with their true beauty campaigns as well as similar efforts like Carson Kressley's project How to look good naked. Woman and many men really appreciate efforts like these that re–affirm what we already know – that all woman, of all shapes, sizes, cultural backgrounds and ethnicity's are unique and beautiful in so many ways.
Self Esteem
No matter what just do 'you'!
Be you and work what god gave you. If your small and thin, work it. If your petite, or thick and luscious, rock that like you got it goin' on, cause' really you do! Like you ladies are always tellin' us guys; Confidence is sexy.
Change The Channel
How many times have we sat and suffered through some ignorant sketch or rant disrespectin' somebodies natural features, whether it's their race, their looks or their weight. Eventually that kind of stuff just has a negative effect on us, even if we don't want it to it tends to get us all twisted up like poison. People don't poison yourselves for the sake of entertainment.
Support Those Supporting The Cause
On the flip side, if you do come across a public figure, a media source, or even a business of some kind that's tryin' to reach out and support the empowerment, and self–love of woman, try and support them. Tell your friends about em', blog about em', tweet or re–tweet em'. Whatever you do, do somethin' positive to help bolster the movement.
What The Fellas Can Do
Fellas uplift your girl, treat her like she's the number one queen hot mama.
I love my wifey, period. She's my entire world, we're so connected that, even when we have an occasional disagreement, I still can't help but to feel so much love and affection for her.
I've never been perfect by any means, but I realize now more than ever how important it is to always be on my "A" game and show her how much I love her and find her beautiful. Honestly, I find somethin' new I love about her almost every day. Whether it's somethin' new about her looks or her soul. She's definitely got her man on lock! So, my advice for all you fellas out there with a thick luscious wifey, girlfriend, whateva' ...show em' some love. Let em' really feel how much your feelin' em'. Don't leave em' guessing as to your affections or doubtful about what your feeling when your looking at em', when your huggin' em', when your lovin' em', etc., etc.
If you also are fortunate enough to have other women in your life that you also love and care about, like a mom, a sister, etc., I believe that we need to stand up for them the same way that these woman are representin' for themselves.
Teach Your Kids To See Things Differently
I try and show my son that all uniqueness is beauty. I try to make sure I'm not dissin' peoples' looks, shapes or cultures. I know that this will at least have a positive influence on his attitude toward others and those that he considers different from himself. He sees how beautiful his moms is and tells her so all the time. I envy him, cause my experiences growin' up were drastically different from his. My mom is a curvy and lovely lady and because we were isolated in a community where this aesthetic was not appreciated, she seemed to suffer. So did her kids, as some of us were hassled and derided for the women of our family's unique type of beauty.
I want my own son to have the strength to stand up when someone tries to assert that being thick ain't lovely. I wish for him to at least have had other influences in his life that prove to him that bein' curvy is just as legitimately beautiful as a female that's thin. In the end, it's all about preference and no one should feel that their size makes them any more or less lovely or attractive than everyone else of a different size.
Ladies your not alone in this. There are so many people that understand the struggle to varying degrees. Us guys may not fully understand it the way a woman does ...but, we do care.
Holla Back Y'all:
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