Is it possible to be “Just Friends” with the opposite sex?
- Topic:
Relationships
- Article By:
Sherri
- Photo:
Okay, so let me first start by saying that this article is in relation to friendship between men and women who are not married or engaged - that's a whole nother conversation altogether!
I'd also like to be upfront and say that I myself am personally a non-believer. I don't believe that men and women can be “just friends”. I think that as well intentioned as we may be at times, the eventuality always ends up the same ...someone ends up falling for the other. And when those feelings are not shared by the other person people get hurt and relationships suffer or end.
It seems that as a woman I am not alone in this feeling. The feelings that have been expressed to me have shown that most woman believe a guy will end up “breaking the rules” so to speak ...eventually.
I think that we as woman, we are just as guilty of breaking the rules when it comes to friendship with our guy friends I just don't think that we always pay attention to the reality of what we are doing. And perhaps if we didn't break the rules first, then maybe he wouldn't be so eager to make the next move?
I'm not too sure how the guys are feeling about the whole “friend” thing because the majority of the feedback that I received was from women, but we'd love to hear what you think. Whether you think it's possible to be “just friends” with a girl or not, and if you do whether or not you think there are necessary rules that need to be followed in order for that friendship to last ...and remain a friendship and nothing more. So please do share your thoughts below.
Okay, that all being said, Reuben and I put together a brief list of “rules” that we think are important if you want to maintain a friendship only with the opposite sex. It's important to note that every relationship is different, and that these are just tips to help guide you in the right direction. If you've got tips or rules that you follow or believe should be followed for maintaining a friendship only relationship with the opposite sex, please do share your thoughts as well!
1. Have a Mutual Understanding: If friendship is what you both want and nothing more, then respect that relationship choice and be committed to that decision from the start. Neither one of you should be a “backup plan” for the other.
2. Limit Time Spent Alone: Be mindful of how much time you spend together alone (this includes phone conversations, texting, chatting, etc.). The more time you spend together alone, the more likely one of you is to develop feelings for the other. If there is a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both) in the picture, spending time together alone should be avoided as much as possible if not altogether.
3. Don't Hide Your Friendship: Do not hide your friend/s from your significant other. Introduce them right away and allow them to become friends too. If you want to keep them (your opposite sex friends) in your life, your significant other needs to feel safe with the relationship and that isn't going to happen if they find out later that you had a “friend” they didn't even know about.
4. Don't Flirt: ...Ever. Playful, “meaningless” flirting is not harmless! Be mindful of how much affection you show each other, especially if they have a significant other. Ladies especially remember that he is not one of your girlfriends, if you are constantly touchin' on him, he is bound to eventually feel somethin' for you that he may never have intended to feel in the first place. And if this is the case, someone is bound to end up hurt. If he has a girlfriend a good rule of thumb is: Don't touch him any more than you would want another girl touching your man.
5. Watch the Compliments: Be careful of how much you compliment them and on what. This might sound silly, but it is especially true for us woman. Guys if you are always tellin' us how HOT we are we're going to question whether you really want to be just friends and will assume that you may be interested in more than your letting on.
6. Let's Not Talk About Sex: Avoid talking about sex or relationship issues with each other. Reserve those conversations for when your with your same sex friends. Sex talk almost always opens doors that you are not lookin' to open, and causes tension for everyone involved. (Studies show that 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships.)
7. Know Your True Feelings: There will always be people who question your friendship as if it's more, especially if you spend a lot of time together. Know your true feelings about each other, and be ready to defend that. Don't take each other places where people will presume you are a couple (such as weddings, or other “date” occasions) unless you are prepared to deal with the questions, accusations, and nudges.
So, did we catch 'em all? Do you agree or disagree with the thoughts above?
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